Ten confusing pop song titles

THE CHINESE restaurant played American pop ballads non-stop tonight. While trying to eat masala-drenched mushroom rolls, I wished that Leon Lai's "爱你/不爱你" was playing instead of Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On". And that's because I'd rather not pay attention to lyrics I don't understand, than try to understand lyrics I'm forced to pay attention to. Like "My Heart Will Go On". Think about it: what on earth does that line really mean?

And so while trying to eat masala-drenched chicken, I dedicated the entire dinnertime mentally listing ten American pop songs with the most confusing titles. Broken hearts and endless dreams are what make pop so memorable, especially by such lyricists as Paul Williams, Alan & Marilyn Bergman, and Carole Bayer Sager in the 1970s and 1980s. "I Won't Last A Day Without You." "The Way We Were." "Nobody Does It Better". Story-telling at its lyrical, drama-queen best.

But sometimes, songs of broken hearts and endless dreams are narrated weirdly. Here are ten of those songs. I'm sure there are other songs worthy of greater discombobulation, but these are the ones that came out of my head while trying to eat masala-drenched jasmine rice. Masala in a Chinese restaurant. Confusing.

1. "My Heart Will Go On"—Celine Dion
   And on and on and on and on. Lord knows where to. Woe betide those whose paths cross with this unstoppable heart.
2. "I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight"—Cutting Crew
   It must have been about a vampire. He got killed before singing the song.
3. "Eaten Alive"—Diana Ross
   It must have been about a vampire. She got digested before singing the song.
4. "Three Times A Lady"—The Commodores
   Whether you're once, twice, or thrice a lady, you're still fake, lady.
5. "Muskrat Love"—America
   A house is not a home unless there's puppy love, pussy willows, and rodent adoration.
6. "Killing Me Softly With His Song"—Roberta Flack
   As opposed to killing her hardly.
7. "She Blinded Me With Science"—Thomas Dolby
   I suppose that Mr. Dolby was fascinated with the seventies urban legend of a vengeful Imelda Marcos throwing muriatic acid on a famous singer's face.
8. "More Than A Woman"—The Bee Gees
   The result of too much cosmetic surgery.
9. "Making Love Out of Nothing At All"—Air Supply
   The person in question isn't at all interested, so why does he even bother doing it?
10. "Popsicle Toes"—Michael Franks
    I refuse to think what happens to the foot when those toes melt.

So there. I now invite you to translate these titles into your native language. They might make better sense in the vernacular.

Better, at least, than Chinese masala.

As 2012 rolls in

AFTER A year filled with political indecision and social dissatisfaction, 2012 promises changes in communications that can improve the way we live our own personal lives. For me, the past year has been one of personal change and adaptations. I acquired a new flat in Manila, changed jobs and brought my career back to fashion retail, relocated to Mumbai after four years in Kolkata, revisited the Bahá'í World Centre for the first time since I left it seven years ago, and lost some of the most beloved members of the Bahá'í Faith around the world. Some of the adjustments were not always fun, but they were required, and they helped me grow better each time.

I really look forward to 2012's innovations, and I wish every one of you a better beginning for the year!

Homecoming

I JUST landed in Israel, my home when I served at the Bahá’í World Centre in Haifa in 2000-2004.  I’m not familiar with the new Ben Gurion International Airport at Tel Aviv; it’s been modernized beyond my recognition. But I’m familiar with the sense of being here.  In fact, the sense of being in this moment, right here, right now, is hitting me mightily today. It’s like the scent of earth after the rain: sweet, memorable, lingering.  It feels like I never left the land at all.

Airtel, off the air

AFTER MY recent agitations with Airtel remained unheeded, I decided to write one of their CEOs with hopes for a resolution. A quick look-up at LinkedIn made this task easy. Here’s what I wrote him (I deliberately struck off references to the individual):

Focal point: Lincoln Mayorga, “The Walk to Chatham Corners”

RASPUTIN MUSIC is one of the many delights that I discovered in San Francisco early this month. This five-storey, almost rundown store carries rare CDs, LPs, and DVDs at unbelievable prices--a source of joy for those still cringing at the extinction of the traditional record shop. I saw and immediately purchased a four-dollar, second-hand CD of West of Oz, Lincoln Mayorga's 1981 collaboration with Amanda McBroom (she wrote the Bette Midler classic "The Rose"). It's extremely rare to find a Mayorga or McBroom CD these days, so this one's a treasure.

Here's the full track of "The Walk to Chatham Corners", the album's highlight. It shows Mr. Mayorga's classical and jazz background in its usual sparkling quality.

High school reunion in San Francisco

WHEN PHILIP Belarmino messaged me on Labor Day (5 September) about changing the evening’s dinner venue, I realized the adeptness of my high school batch mates in organizing such gatherings in the Bay Area. Bong (now Bhoc) Chavez and Mel Favila had advised Philip about the closure of Intramuros restaurant in San Francisco that night, so the venue shifted to Kuya’s in San Bruno.

The hills are alive in San Francisco

THE MOST delightful surprise about San Francisco is how such a compact city (49 square miles) of hills and waterfronts can accommodate endless diversities in seamless manner.  For example, on the last day of my weeklong stay, I dined in a quaint neighborhood called Little Italy, at the open-air Pinocchio on Columbus Avenue.  Later, as I walked past cafés and gift shops with lovely little windows, I turned abruptly right on the corner and realized that I had just entered Chinatown.

Airtel fails

AFTER A mortifying experience last week with one of India’s largest mobile telephone companies, I have decided that Airtel is no longer capable of commitment and transformation.

The most loyal customers demand—and deserve—a higher desire: commitment, which Airtel has shown me is unable to provide.

When I requested for international mobile roaming (IR) service on the eve of my departure for the United States last 31 August, Airtel’s 121 hotline advised me that it was impossible to do so as my new SIM card was barely three months old. (I had to acquire a new card when I returned to Mumbai in June.) It was inconceivable to travel without connectivity, so I pleaded for the roaming service on two counts: that the card was shy of one week to meet the qualifying grade, and that I had been a loyal user of their various products—from landline to data card—for the past five years. After 45 minutes of pleading and heated debate, the 121 agent finally gave me an option: pay an advance fee of Rs5,000 (USD100) for the roaming service. I managed to find an Airtel Relationship Centre on the way to the airport that night and proceeded with the payment. I also requested my former relationship manager in Kolkata, the ever-effective Suvojit Seal, to help facilitate the activation process.

Drums rolling for a rolling stone

WE'VE ALL heard about Mick Jagger's enormous ego, so it's fascinating to read the following story by Keith Richards about Mr. Jagger's brush with Charlie Watts, legendary Rolling Stones drummer, in October 1984.

I had taken Mick out for a drink in Amsterdam, so at 5 in the morning, he came back to my room. He's drunk by now, Mick drunk is a sight to behold. Charlie was fast asleep. Is that my drummer? Why don't you get your arse down here? Charlie got dressed in a Savile Row suit, tie, shoes, shaved, came down, grabbed him and went boom! Don't ever call me "your drummer" again. You're my fucking singer.

You can beat your own drum, but never beat the drummer lest he beats the drum out of you!

Focal point: Barbra Streisand, “So Many Stars”

FROM BARBRA Streisand's upcoming What Matters Most : Barbra Streisand Sings the Lyrics of Alan & Marilyn Bergman CD comes the stunningly gorgeous "So Many Stars". The bossa nova classic was originally covered in 1968 by Sérgio Mendes & Brasil '66; I remember it from its resurgent popularity on Manila's jazz fusion radio stations during the late seventies and early eighties.

You'll never know

IF YOU think those black veils are frightening, watch out for this:

Related story: Veiled shots

Like father, like son

FOR KENNETH Bray and his son Chris, coming full circle means attending NASA's final Space Shuttle launch together to "bookend" the first launch they watched 30 years ago. The incident also gave them an opportunity to replicate a picture taken of them in 1981; see both pictures above. Mr. Bray talks more about it on Universe Today. It's an awesome achievement.